WOW! IT'S AN EXTENDER

I have been obsessed with the comedy of Steve Coogan,in particular his well known character, Alan Partridge, for years. Be it a Royal Mail sorting office, the cellar of an Irish theme pub, a seafront office, a gym, or any of the other places I have found myself working if I can sniff out someone who shares my Partridge obsession, the job instantly becomes a better one. I hope you enjoy the song and if you share my passion for Partridge please drop me a line with your favourite quote. It may well be the source material of the next parody.

LINK TO YES IT'S AN EXTENDER!

WOW! IT'S AN EXTENDER.

(pre song dialogue in car)

“Go round me! Go round me, egg head! I can’t work out this handbreak! 

I like a bargain

I like, I like a bargain

I like a bargain. I like, I like a bargain

I saw something on Craig's list

Not a meeting in a layby 

"We don’t have a dog”

Going to make a quick enquireee

Needs it gone a s-a s a p

Hey now Hey now, can you hear me now?

Do you have a charger for an Ericcson?

How now how now can you hear me now?

What’s your postal code?

The MC Wrap is comin' and Jack fm is pumping

Saltdean to Holling bury

Be quicker on the ferry 

My sky blue beast is prowling 

 I’ve prepared the towelling

An item rare like fables 

The Renault Espace of tables

(Instrumental)

It’s an extender
It’s an its an extender
It’s a it's an extender
It’s an extender

Turn left left you need to turn left flipping sat nav 

sent me round 9 corners

How now how now oh look a brown cow

aqua car its blue!

The MC Wrap is comin' and Jack fm is pumping

Saltdean through Holling bury

Be quicker on the ferry 

My sky blue beast is prowling and I’ve prepared the towelling

An item rare like fables 

the Renault Espace of tables

The MC Wrap is comin' and Jack fm is pumping

Saltdean through Holling bury

Be quicker on the ferry 

My sky blue beast is prowling and I’ve prepared some towelling

An item rare like fables 

the Renault Espace of tables

Oh not you again mate! Someone got a new toy for Christmas!" 

It’s an extender
It’s a its an extender
It’s an extender
It’s an extender

The MC Wrap is coming

The MC Wrap is coming

The MC Wrap is coming

The MC Wrap is coming

The MC Wrap is comin' and Jack fm is pumping

Saltdean through Holling bury

Be quicker on the ferry 

My sky blue beast is prowling and I’ve prepared the towelling

An item rare like fables 

the Renault Espace of tables

The MC Wrap is comin' and Jack fm is pumping

Saltdean through Holling bury

Be quicker on the ferry 

My sky blue beast is prowling and I’ve prepared the towelling

An item rare like fables 

the Renault Espace of tables

The MC Wrap is coming

Copyright James Macdonald 2019

Too many unclaimed farts in the World

Here's a song about a universal major social faux pas. Farting, plopping, trumping, ponking in public and not fessing up. Not sure what else I can really say about it. Like Politics and Religion it's a contentious subject. I hope this song.... 

1) Amuses
2) Educates? 
3) Gives you the courage not to blame that noise/ smell on some factiously squeeky shoes.

A song what to read? Can't my AI butler do it for me?

Too many unclaimed farts in the World

Last night you thought I was sleeping

You did that twitchy thing with your toes

A bit like a 5 second warning

The bed sheets about to get blown,

You give the

 predictable chat that it’s natural

I’ll give you ten reasons why it’s a sin

The one thing I know we agree on

That it hurts

That it hurts

If you hold it in

 Too many unclaimed farts in the World

There’s too many nostrils being burnt by the fumes

Too many unclaimed farts in the World

And I’m almost sure

the last one came from you

The World is full of farty people

Who never try to hold it in

At least until they’re out in the open

Or can perch themselves on a bin

I would say

clench those cheeks a bit tighter

In a car or a lift please no way

The one trump that got you arrested

We were sat front row at a nativity play

Too many unclaimed farts in the World

There’s too many nostrils being burnt by the fumes

Too many unclaimed farts in the World

That last one stuck

to my face like glue

Too many unclaimed farts in the World

Too many nostrils being burnt by the fumes

Too many unclaimed farts in the World

That last one has landed in someone’s shoe

(instrumental)

You tried to blame it on gluten intolerance

What about all the gluten in beer

Very proud of organic propulation

But No one will want to help you steer

 Too many unclaimed farts in the World

There’s too many nostrils being burnt by the fumes

Too many unclaimed farts in the World

That smells not natural

Like a pig that prefers to moo

Too many unclaimed farts in the World

There’s too many nostrils being burnt by the fumes

Too many unclaimed farts in the World

You really need to stop

Blaming last night’s stew

Don’t go stress about who made the smell,

Just high five your kids and your partners to

If it continues several for hours

Possibly suggest that they visit the nearest loo

 Copyright James Macdonald 2019

Wrapping all over the House

You've all survived another Christmas, well done. Maybe like our family of 5 you managed to get the biologically required levels of sleep, in a room designed for just two adults so that if anyone suddenly needed to operate some heavy machinery, not a remote controlled Lizard, that they would be legally entitled to do so.  It also meant that the following happened.

1) The baby of the family, literally the baby of our family, managed to maintain his smiley happy self even when being passed from pillar to post to an Uncle, or two, to a Grandpa or two, via a Granny or two, via a Mummy, a daddy,the Postman and back to a Niece, or four.

2) We survived a Christmas that provided enough sleep so our middle child, who didn't get a remote controlled snake he couldn't remember saying he wanted, but instead got a remote controlled Lizard that was apparently for his cousin, something he blissfully played with from 4.33am onwards until I peeled it off his sleeping face about 14 hours later. (I was so genuinely impressed with the earliness that I wrote in on my hand with my wife's eyeliner pen at 04.33) 

His happiness and appreciation may well have been largely due to the three day sugar high from inhaling two bags of chocolate coins before 5am every day from 21st December onwards. This was an unsustainable energy high that couldn't possibly be maintained and essentially resulted in him quite possibly losing out on some Queen Anne furniture when a will might be read in the next decade or two.

His throwing of a pretty epic tantrum halfway through the Queen's speech requiring me to carry out what must have looked like a very angry and very rigid plank of two by four, just as the rest of his family were doing their best to look more earnest than pissed, not an easy feat in a crepe paper crown, for the national anthem.

3) The eldest baby managed to cement our invite for Easter 2019 by cuddling Grandpa whenever she was within a metre radius of him and and remember the lines to all the songs she had preformed as the lead role in a performance of "Whoops a daisy Angel" to delight of Granny and anyone who had had more than 2 units of alcohol.

4) My better half listened intently to all the war stories my Dad had told her on our last visit, topped up my Mum's wine glass and affectionately kept her elbows high enough to keep her away from any tea towels when it was time to do any drying up.

5) I swopped Machiato metronomically for Malbec every hour of our 48-56 hours pausing only to scan each room of noisy smiley people and feel genuinely lucky to be related to them.

Do I want want to read! Are you insane it's 2019!

It’s in the shed -It’s in the loft

It’s put away -Christmas gone in less than a day

There’s no snow  -Wrapping paper all over the house

Up at 4 the day was a boozy fug

Passively given 2 aggressive mugs-Holy wood louce

Wrapping paper all over the house

In a bed with some bears

In shoes under stairs

And stuck in the hoover

wrapping paper remover

blaming my spouse

wrapping paper all over the house

In the car, in the fridge and on the floor

In the Kitchen in the full of crap drawer

Who wrapped up the wrap

Who stuffed in this gap

Give it some cheer

Go out and smash it this year

Forget paper dispersal

Don’t live a rehearsal

Give it some welly

Put down that phone and the telly

Raising morale all over the World