You've all survived another Christmas, well done. Maybe like our family of 5 you managed to get the biologically required levels of sleep, in a room designed for just two adults so that if anyone suddenly needed to operate some heavy machinery, not a remote controlled Lizard, that they would be legally entitled to do so. It also meant that the following happened.
1) The baby of the family, literally the baby of our family, managed to maintain his smiley happy self even when being passed from pillar to post to an Uncle, or two, to a Grandpa or two, via a Granny or two, via a Mummy, a daddy,the Postman and back to a Niece, or four.
2) We survived a Christmas that provided enough sleep so our middle child, who didn't get a remote controlled snake he couldn't remember saying he wanted, but instead got a remote controlled Lizard that was apparently for his cousin, something he blissfully played with from 4.33am onwards until I peeled it off his sleeping face about 14 hours later. (I was so genuinely impressed with the earliness that I wrote in on my hand with my wife's eyeliner pen at 04.33)
His happiness and appreciation may well have been largely due to the three day sugar high from inhaling two bags of chocolate coins before 5am every day from 21st December onwards. This was an unsustainable energy high that couldn't possibly be maintained and essentially resulted in him quite possibly losing out on some Queen Anne furniture when a will might be read in the next decade or two.
His throwing of a pretty epic tantrum halfway through the Queen's speech requiring me to carry out what must have looked like a very angry and very rigid plank of two by four, just as the rest of his family were doing their best to look more earnest than pissed, not an easy feat in a crepe paper crown, for the national anthem.
3) The eldest baby managed to cement our invite for Easter 2019 by cuddling Grandpa whenever she was within a metre radius of him and and remember the lines to all the songs she had preformed as the lead role in a performance of "Whoops a daisy Angel" to delight of Granny and anyone who had had more than 2 units of alcohol.
4) My better half listened intently to all the war stories my Dad had told her on our last visit, topped up my Mum's wine glass and affectionately kept her elbows high enough to keep her away from any tea towels when it was time to do any drying up.
5) I swopped Machiato metronomically for Malbec every hour of our 48-56 hours pausing only to scan each room of noisy smiley people and feel genuinely lucky to be related to them.
It’s in the
shed -It’s in the loft
It’s put
away -Christmas gone in less than a day
There’s no
snow -Wrapping paper all over the house
Up at 4 the
day was a boozy fug
Passively
given 2 aggressive mugs-Holy wood louce
Wrapping
paper all over the house
In a bed
with some bears
In shoes
under stairs
And stuck in
the hoover
wrapping
paper remover
blaming my
spouse
wrapping paper
all over the house
In the car,
in the fridge and on the floor
In the Kitchen
in the full of crap drawer
Who wrapped
up the wrap
Who stuffed in
this gap
Give it some
cheer
Go out and
smash it this year
Forget paper
dispersal
Don’t live a
rehearsal
Give it some
welly
Put down
that phone and the telly
Raising
morale all over the World
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