"Now that's what I call a non air brushed family holiday!"

Family holidays are an essential part of the sibling bonding process. 

Fighting in the car with my brother on the outskirts of Calais. 

Playing endless games of happy families which because of sneaky "behind the fruit bowl cheating" made us momentarily resemble an unhappy family.

Stealing my older sister's menthol cigarettes in attempt to look older and attract some really quite tall German girls.

Looking out the car window to watch suitcases fly off our Citroen Familia on a mountain pass in the Pyrenees.

C'est bloody manifique

Having to hold an empty 2 litre glass bottle of Fanta for my younger brother to pee into while stuck in a 4 mile tail back just outside Lyon. 

Climbing out a downstairs Villa window to drink very cheap lager in a Portuguese Tavern with an incredibly relaxed attitude to under age drinking, argh those were the days.

Here's the link to the song if your too exhausted from driving back from your restless family holiday to read anything.

"A family holiday less air brushed!"

Holiday, we overpaid
Money saved, robbed by the maid

When we tried a holiday
Our attempt to spontanate

I fell out with my wife
Just because
All the beds had lice
Then everybody got the lice
We in a state of Lamentation
I want to get a refund

But I booked it with Toolstation 

We aiming for one good time
So far its mostly bad times

That steak was tougher than leather
No luck with the weather
The pillows are stuffed with hay

If you go on holiday

Take anti venon something to play

Two of our kids got the trots

That ice cream

 I’m sure it had green spots

Turn the car around
They’ve all got itchy red lumps
No I don’t want a mint  

Or another game of top trumps

Please sun shine
It would be quite kind

The fact you’ve known it wetter
doesn’t make me feel better

Write off this holiday

If you go on holiday

Stick to veg avoid the meat

All our kids got a rash

From the damp

From the damp bed sheets

Holiday,

I’m still irate

Holiday

wife’s in a state

On your all inclusive trip

They’ll always make their money back

"Ahh Blend it!"

I've tried all the faddy diets over the years. The just eat protein one that made me knackered grumpy and have very stinky breath.

The all Carbs one that made me knackered, grumpy, bloated and have pretty stinky breath.

 I suppose there's a chance I may just be someone who is naturally grumpy with stinky breath. 

Anyway when my wife suggested we do The Jason Vale "Super Blend Me" 10 day blending challenge I started thinking of ways I could smuggle food out of the house without raising to much suspicion. 

Although we have now gone from 10 days of drinking 3 smoothies a day to just having a smoothie for breakfast and then normal ish meals it was something I'm really glad I did.

I never felt hungry, I had loads more energy and I even got a bit trimmer. I also really cut down on coffee so I bet my breath was better. I have no idea how you could accurately measure that?

All that said I know I couldn't live like that. I think I would really miss using plates even though all the ones we got as wedding presents are now completely chipped. I had a Sunday roast off a plastic Pepa Pig plate last weekend.

I hope you enjoy the song.

James aka The Middle Class Wrapper

CLICK TO WATCH THE SONG

Ahh Blend it!

Ahh Blend it!

Oh smoothie smoothie

smoothie smoothie

Get involved in this

Put in some Kale and a Carrot

MC Wrapper's here

MC Wrap

MC Wrapper's here

MC Wrap MC Wrap

MC Wrapper's here

I think we've established I'm here.

Now wait a minute.

This song isn't for everyone

Only the I want nutrients people

So all you melon farmers

Get on out there and blend 

BLEND I said!

MC Wrapper's here and I'm in effect

want you to blend it babe

Seafront man by day at night

I'm playing sleep roulette

Come on Dad's lets go

Show the Mum's that we know

How to get five a day

Cos you reap what you sow.

Ahh blend it

Blend it good

Ahh blend it

Blend it real good

Blending can get messy

Very messy

Maybe put on a pinny 

A flowery pinny

Now blend

Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo my three kids

Come give your Dad a kiss

We've run out of fruit 

Better add that to the list

Are trying to get your 5 a day 

Like I wish you would

Now blend it

Blend it good

Blend it

Blend it real good

Girl you've really got my hungry

You've got me starving

Woah please watch what you're doing

Ahh blend it

Girl you've really got my hungry

You've got me starving

Woah please watch what you're doing

BLEND IT

BLEND IT

"Don't wake me up!"

Knowing what I know now, I find it pretty amazing that anyone actually manages to go on to have a second, or third,or fourth child. When they arrive, wonderful and life affirming as they are, their existence takes a very big wet bite out of the amount and quality of sleep you will have from sleep 1 until.... oh I imagine they move out anything from 18 to 35 years later.

This song is about the most secret of societies "The Dad night feed club". I have a mate whose about to become a Dad. His life is about to change and improve in so many ways.

He's going to learn so much about himself and also what is really important in life. He's going to learn so many new valuable skills. 

He's also going to have to learn how to get all the sleep he needs for a full day, leaning against the fridge in the middle of the night in the time it takes for bottles sterilize in a microwave.

I hope you enjoy the song and please subscribe to my Utube channel if it amused you.

All the best

James aka The Middle Class Wrapper

CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE SONG

Making my way to the kitchen

 Guided by a bathroom light

I can't tell how much sleep I will get

Ten minutes is a start

Even if it’s not your turn to do feed

You’re only as strong as the team

Does this count as sleep

if I don't open up my eyes

Great! I now need a wee

So wake me up if he starts snuffling

Stealing covers makes me colder

All this time I thought I was in charge,

Didn't realise you’re the boss

Wake me up when you’re worrying about childcare

Whisper my name or tap my shoulder

“A worry shared” should be put straight in the vows

and I’m not allowed to get cross

I tried carrying drinks for everyone

 But I only have two hands

Hope I get the chance to drink warm tea again

there’s very little chance

Please let me sleep just a little longer

Put my hands over my face

I hear my son pushing chairs on the floor

Shreddies now all over the place

Please let me sleep five minutes longer

Me and Bond Girls doing the conga

A job to test Go Pros in the sea

They sent a HERO 7 BLACK

Please let me sleep just one snooze longer

It will probably make our marriage stronger

I’ll do the bins and bath and bed time all week

I didn't know you were the boss 

I didn't know you’re the boss 

I didn't know you’re the boss 

I didn't know you’re the boss 

World's biggest Toddler

Should you ever in life decide to put away childish behaviour and grow up? If that means having a pension, sending Christmas cards and not drinking on a school night, too often then yes. 

If that means not hiding under a single bed in a Travelodge to scare your little brother whose frantically looking for the phone charger you hid minutes ago then no. Surely that's one of life's simplest and biggest pleasures.

Hope you like the song and please subscribe to my Utube Channel.

James

Here is the link to the song in case you'd rather just watch it.

The World's biggest Toddler

Verse 1

                                 I’m getting quite bored of puerile jokes about Wrexham!

      We’re in Wales to watch rugby and drink lots of beer

“Stop giving me wet willies!”

Saying “your Mum!” doesn’t work because she’s your mother to.

Chorus

You know you don’t need your passport?

You know you don’t need a VISA?

Can he see? I’m desperate to transfer my seat

But they’re all reserved until Bristol so he’s stuck next to me!

Verse 2

I’m under a bed at our sister’s trying not to giggle

He’s lost his charger than I hid seven minutes ago

He’s getting really frustrated

I grab his hand and he shrieks like a scared little girl

 Chorus

Can you pull my finger

I won’t stop saying "You are!"

Having a laugh doesn’t make me a lout!

Admit it was funny when the ticket lady said

"Please get them out!"

Instrumental

Chorus

No one else is laughing

It’s like babysitting a giant toddler

That you can’t sit on a step!

 Final Chorus

No I won’t pull your finger

There’s no time difference in Cardiff

At least this strife is only for Christmas and not for life

The person who deserves a medal

Is probably your wife

Yes the person who deserves a medal is probably your wife.