Here's a song about a universal major social faux pas. Farting, plopping, trumping, ponking in public and not fessing up. Not sure what else I can really say about it. Like Politics and Religion it's a contentious subject. I hope this song....
1) Amuses
2) Educates?
3) Gives you the courage not to blame that noise/ smell on some factiously squeeky shoes.
Too many unclaimed farts in the World
Last night you thought I was
sleeping
You did that twitchy thing
with your toes
A bit like a 5 second warning
The bed sheets about to get
blown,
You give the
predictable chat that it’s natural
I’ll give you ten reasons why
it’s a sin
The one thing I know we agree
on
That it hurts
That it hurts
If you hold it in
Too many unclaimed farts in the World
There’s too many nostrils
being burnt by the fumes
Too many unclaimed farts in
the World
And I’m almost sure
the last one came from you
The World is full of farty
people
Who never try to hold it in
At least until they’re out in
the open
Or can perch themselves on a
bin
I would say
clench those cheeks a bit tighter
In a car or a lift please no
way
The one trump that got you
arrested
We were sat front row at a
nativity play
Too many unclaimed farts in
the World
There’s too many nostrils
being burnt by the fumes
Too many unclaimed farts in
the World
That last one stuck
to my face like glue
Too
many nostrils being burnt by the fumes
Too
many unclaimed farts in the World
That
last one has landed in someone’s shoe
(instrumental)
You tried to blame it on
gluten intolerance
What about all the gluten in beer
Very proud of organic
propulation
But No one will want to help
you steer
Too many unclaimed farts in the World
There’s too many nostrils
being burnt by the fumes
Too many unclaimed farts in
the World
That smells not natural
Like a pig that prefers to moo
Too many unclaimed farts in
the World
There’s too many nostrils
being burnt by the fumes
Too many unclaimed farts in
the World
You really need to stop
Blaming last night’s stew
Don’t go stress about who made
the smell,
Just high five your kids and
your partners to
If it continues several for hours
Possibly suggest that they
visit the nearest loo
Copyright James Macdonald 2019
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