Wow! That's what I call a Christmas Fairytale parody.

Is the fact that this year,I really didn't want anything for Christmas evidence of my complete lack of imagination.Or that I am already blessed to have everything I want and need in my life?

It's probably a bit of both. Thanks to all those adverts that are "helpfully" aired every 2-3 minutes in between Milkshake cartoons our 2, probably like most children decided that their Christmas would be a total write off if they didn't get everything they had decided they really did need.

"Daddy I do really need a Pink plastic nail salon and cryptocurrency trading suite!"

"I'm not sure you, need, it darling ?"

"No I really do."

"I think Maslow might have something to say about that!"

Here's the link to the song in case you're not much of a reader. I hope it amuses you and if it does please like, share and subscribe it. I'd also love to hear what you thought about it?

Having watched it would you share the reaction of an anonymous lady in Wolverhampton on Reddit?

"WTF was that!" 

Or would you view it slightly more favourably? I'd genuinely love to know and I will do my best not to sulk for a few hours or crash round the house if you're feedback is leaning towards Wolverhampton.

Wow! That's what I call a Christmas fairy tale parody.

It was Christmas Eve again,

I was at a bus stop

An odd man said to me

Do you want this Brussel Sprout

He then delivered a speech

Second act scene one King Lear

I slowly backed away

Trying not to show my fear

Will crypto currency

Take all my debts

from me

We’ve got our finger crossed

For those shares in XRP

So happy Christmas

You’re still my hunny bun

If I gave you a mark out of ten

I’d definitely give you one

Our cars full of toys

And half eaten fruit

Where do I put the recycling

Oh it goes in the boot

You casually mentioned

that we’ll need an estate

I’ve booked a vasectomy

One snip too late

You snore

You’re pretty

your occasionally witty

When there’s food on the floor

Your there with the mop

You’re constantly singing

Are all parents winging?

Kiss me in the kitchen

Lets embarrass the kids

The snowman song

Has been on loop

since at least last July

And every question we ask

Is met with Why?

You’re Aquarius

I’m Leo

Please stop being Neo

Stop shouting at the rugby

you must know the score

He’s itching its lice

looks and taste just like rice

We’re both exhausted

But I feel truly blessed

The kids put their stockings up

Just after Valentines day

Will I get all I hope for

I couldn’t say

The Tesco orders due

Oh great re heated stew

I grew 3 babies

We’d agreed no more than two

You always get your way

You know that’s just not true

I wanted beige or pink

 The car is clearly blue

The snowman song

Has been on loop

since at least last July

And every question we ask

Is met with Why?

Wow! That's what I call a romantic weekend in Branston

Driving home for Christmas or in this case thanks to some emergency childcare from my sister and her daughter, a romantic weekend in Branston, Staffordshire.

The key to successful parenting and living, I reckon, is if you can manage to shoe horn a romantic weekend into the same weekend you are celebrating your wife's best friend's 40th birthday,dropping off Christmas presents and road testing the new family car.

Here's the link to the song in case you're not much of a reader. I hope it amuses you and if it does please like share and subscribe it. I'd also like to hear what you thought about it?

Was it "the lamest thing you've heard this year!" according to a man in Ohio, or was it slightly better than that? I'd love to know and I will do my best not to sulk for a few hours or crash round the house if you're feedback is not of the Ohio style.

Driving home for Christmas Parody

Romantic weekend in Branston

Yes that place they make the Pickle

We left the children with my sister Yeah

Two nights of sleep will be sublime

And its been so long

But fingers crossed

You’ll see me in my thong

Two whole nights away

We’re Driving in a car

In a car without the children

Its gonna take about five hours

But we don’t care

The train was an option yeah

But it’s nowhere to be seen

Our hotel is near the fairway yeah

Get bare feet on stripey ground

we’re in room 15

With complimentary

tea and coffee

And I do my press ups

In the bathroom yeah

Cos you’re having a nap

Got ourselves to Branston

Its pretty close to Lichfield

That’s a very twinkly sign

Might come back on a Thursday

That food looks pretty good

Competitively priced

A two night break in Branston

Saw a tree growing in a hatchback

Two night break in Branston yeah

Get my feet in smarter shoes

Shall I order for you

I think you’d like the seabass

I’ll think I’ll have the steak

With a side order of something

Were eating just us two

Eating at a table

No arguments about Ipads

Or a thousand questions why

I take a look at the couple next to me

He’s got the same

He’s just got caught, just got caught

Checking out the waitress

Cold shoulder from his wife

That was poorly timed

What a school boy error

Now! That's what I call a Christmas Budget.

Christmas is for children. Yes that's probably true but only because it's paid for by adults. Cynical and Grinch-esque as that may sound when you have 3 children under the age of 6 who stand inches from of the TV watching really unhelpful adverts, every Saturday from September just monotonously saying....

"I want that I want that I want that I want that I want that I want that

 I want that I want that I want that I want that I want that I want that

I want that I want that I want that I want that I want that I want that

I want that I want that I want that I want that I want that I want that!"

If that's your situation it can definitely add little bit of stress and pressure to you finances. My advice, is to set a Budget and try to stick to it.

Either that or send your wife your half of the costs in November and pretend not to hear any dramatic sighs from her about Mini Boden catalogues or 50 % Mud kitchens.

I hope you and yours have a superb Christmas and wonderful New Year.

Love

James aka The Middle Class Wrapper

Here is a link to the song in case you'd rather just watch it.

Wow! That's what I call a Christmas budget.

Did you hear

Are you listening

Wind still blows

Rain still drizzling

A two hour stalement

One more spinning plate

It must be the Christmas budget chat

What are we spending on each other

It depends what we get your mother

The atmospheres tense

So it probably makes sense

To have just a quick budget chat

We could wrap the presents we gave them last year

It will save a stressful trip to town

Most of their toys still look brand new

And I really don’t need another dressing gown

2000 words on the budget

Is in the bin we’re going to fudge it

You got your present in May he smiles everyday

And I just want some coffee and some pants

There’s nowhere to build a snowman

We live on the outskirts of a town

If we built a snowman in our garden

It would look and smell strange cos mud is brown 

Money talk in December

Can bring stress

but please remember

A roof over your head

You get to sleep in a bed

Don’t over think the Budget chat

Every year for the past 10 or so I have grown a moustache every November to support the Movember foundation. They do a lot of truly great work in the support of any men struggling with testicular cancer, prostrate cancer and mental health problems.

Here is the link to the song in case you'd rather just watch it.

Wow! That's what I call a MO.

Movember is here again

Where men have an itchier face

Taches all over the place

It’s Time to stand Mo by Mo

To support brothers fathers and sons

It's not just all hairy lipped fun

Make the World proud of you

Well I’m proud of you

Depression can make you feel small,

Am I qualified to check my own balls?

MO----MO

 Always believe in your MO

You've got the power to GROW

A HAIRY UPPER LIP

Getting men talking through their

MO

Never assume a quiet mate’s fine

He might just need a bit of your time

We’re not indestructible,

backing your brothers with your

MO MO

After that painful shave

I hope you find a little more time

To remember fallen partners in crime

¾ of all suicides

 That man with a smile and the frown

Men living in cities and towns

That man could be you

yes it could be you

Depression is a high prison wall

Am I qualified to check my own balls?

Mo Mo

Always believe in your MO

You've got the power to GROW

A HAIRIER TOP LIP

We’re fighting a battle with a MO

MO

My lip resembles a fern

Something we all need to learn

We’re not indestructible,

always believe in....

(Musical interlude)

Cancer is a high prison wall

It needs a good kick in the balls

from your MO

Always believe in your MO

You've got the power to GROW

A hairier top lip

You’re fighting the battle with your MO

Not all are bound to return

Something we all need to learn

We’re not indestructible

Compliment someone’s on their MO

Anyone with kids, especially anyone with a new born, who is therefore probably well in the eye of the parenting storm, will try and convince you that they can tell exactly from the slightest change in tone or key what each cry means. 

"Oh that's a semi tone up from a B flat, that means he's a bit cross that we haven't set him up with his own Instagram account yet!"

I may well be being a bit cynical. To be honest it's an approach that has worked fairly well for 42 years so why change it now. From my experience crying usually means I'm hungry.

Or

"I have a bubble of wind and am also still a bit hungry!"

Or

"I am sitting in my own pooh and am a bit hungry."

Or

There's a shadow by the window that's worrying me and  if there's any of that baby rice left I could probably go for a little helping.

Or

"I have teeth growing through my gums which is a little uncomfortable.I 'm also happy to tidy up that cake if you want me to?"

I hope you like the song which was suggested by two of my closest friends and their fabulous little boy, Kit.

Love James aka The Middle Class Wrapper

Here a link to the song in case you're more of a watcher than a reader.

If I'm hungry I'm hungry

If I’m hungry I’m hungry

I don’t need my bum changed

I’m not too hot

or too cold

but If I’m hungry I’m hungry

Need some milk to sup

In T minus 2 minutes

 I’ll wake everyone up

No I don’t need winding

Or a nursery rhyme

Stop fiddling with scratch mits

You're just wasting time

Don’t need jiggling or shooshing

Stop pacing the floor

Same deal as last night

We walked a hole through the floor

Don’t need my temperature checking

 Snot picked out of my nose

I'm a  big fan of this white drink

That’s just how it goes

Not quite ready for solids

Or some baby rice

But if I’m completely honest

That sandwich looks nice

don’t want patting or smooching

Stop wiping my chin

Do you want the rest of this rice cake

Before it goes in the bin

I don’t need my bum changed

 not too hot

or too cold

Your peek a boo routine

Is getting pretty old

I don’t need my bum changed

I’m not to hot

Or too cold

Life would be easier

If you just did as your told

Stop singing and feed me

I need my 1 a day

Who’s parenting who here

Can anyone say

When the student is ready

They say the teacher arrives

A lifetime of listening

You know what I want from my cry