"Now that's what I call a non air brushed family holiday!"

Family holidays are an essential part of the sibling bonding process. 

Fighting in the car with my brother on the outskirts of Calais. 

Playing endless games of happy families which because of sneaky "behind the fruit bowl cheating" made us momentarily resemble an unhappy family.

Stealing my older sister's menthol cigarettes in attempt to look older and attract some really quite tall German girls.

Looking out the car window to watch suitcases fly off our Citroen Familia on a mountain pass in the Pyrenees.

C'est bloody manifique

Having to hold an empty 2 litre glass bottle of Fanta for my younger brother to pee into while stuck in a 4 mile tail back just outside Lyon. 

Climbing out a downstairs Villa window to drink very cheap lager in a Portuguese Tavern with an incredibly relaxed attitude to under age drinking, argh those were the days.

Here's the link to the song if your too exhausted from driving back from your restless family holiday to read anything.

"A family holiday less air brushed!"

Holiday, we overpaid
Money saved, robbed by the maid

When we tried a holiday
Our attempt to spontanate

I fell out with my wife
Just because
All the beds had lice
Then everybody got the lice
We in a state of Lamentation
I want to get a refund

But I booked it with Toolstation 

We aiming for one good time
So far its mostly bad times

That steak was tougher than leather
No luck with the weather
The pillows are stuffed with hay

If you go on holiday

Take anti venon something to play

Two of our kids got the trots

That ice cream

 I’m sure it had green spots

Turn the car around
They’ve all got itchy red lumps
No I don’t want a mint  

Or another game of top trumps

Please sun shine
It would be quite kind

The fact you’ve known it wetter
doesn’t make me feel better

Write off this holiday

If you go on holiday

Stick to veg avoid the meat

All our kids got a rash

From the damp

From the damp bed sheets

Holiday,

I’m still irate

Holiday

wife’s in a state

On your all inclusive trip

They’ll always make their money back